Returning Empty Handed

In Personal, Random on October 31, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I know, I know – I’m a horrible blog-mother.  Call BPS (blog protective services, that is) and report me for abandonment.  I’ve disappeared, leaving my poor little blog to fend for itself without proper nourishment and even worse…I’ve returned empty-handed.  It wouldn’t be as bad if I had come back to my little space on the web with something big, something juicy, something important, something for readers to take in, chew on for a while, think about.  Like in the movies when the dad returns to his wife and daughter after being on a business trip for two weeks and has some amazing foreign special edition porcelain doll for his little girl to add to her collection to make up for his time away.  But I haven’t done that, which is all just as well since that porcelain doll is normally also always making up for Dad’s secret second family.  I did not leave this blog to carry on a secret blog on a different blogging site.  I just ran out of, well, everything.

I ran out of time and energy and the most scariest thing ever: I ran out of ideas.  I think I’m still recovering from my Halloween celebrations.  As if my Halloween preparations  weren’t stressful enough… I wore my homemade Egyptian costume twice.  First was to a Halloween themed birthday party at a friend’s house.  I considered this my trial run, and it’s a good thing.  The straps were too long, the bust was too loose, and the ribbon accents weren’t properly attached and stood no chance against a jumpy little chihuahua rocketing into and out of my lap.  These things were fixable and I corrected them with tedious stitches prior to my real dress up to attend a friend of a friend’s performance in a drag show downtown.  What wasn’t fixable and therefore just had to be dealt with was how much my cheap wig was shedding and how hot and itchy it was.  Also, the fact that I could never remember to properly position my neckpiece and attached cape prior to sitting down consistently resulted in me choking myself and my drawn on black eyebrows kept smearing all over my face.  And let’s n

ot forget that it was freezing cold and drizzling outside, in addition to the fact that said drag show was at an unknown bar in the sketchiest of sketchy areas.  Example:  our choices for

od and before we even walked in we were ready to go.  Inside this bar, there were 2 bathrooms, both labeled “Women’s” and neither of them had locking doors.  Buddy system all the way in this joint.  The drag show was fun, as they usually are, but could’ve been better.  My recommendations would be for more than 2 out of the 8 drag queens to actually know the lyrics to the songs they are performing.  Also, try not to cross lines just to be crossing them, for example by telling a female there supporting your show that she looks like a 12-year-old boy because she has no boobs or rubbing your fingers through an uninterested male patron’s long, glorious hair after just having those same fingers all up in your mouth.  One plus: at least it wasn’t the wet willy we were expecting to see happen.

Aside from my extra curricular activities, I am – as always – overloaded at work.  I’ve literally brought work home with me every day for the past week, in addition to skipping lunches and working late already.  The real problem with this is that I’m so burnt out by the time I get home, I can’t even bring myself to do the work I’ve brought with me, so it continues to pile up.  Back on the subject of Halloween: I had to decorate my office door for the office Halloween party that was today.  I enjoyed it, as I love being crafty and creative, but it took up quite a bit of time to create all the little pieces and then put it all together.  We did win that division of the Halloween festivities.  And I ate my weight in spicy, cheesy beef dip and mint chocolate cookies.  As much as I love Halloween – and I do – I won’t be sad to have a full year to wait until going through all the costume and decorating hassle again.

Also, I’ve been distracted.  Partially by something other than work or writing…I’m guilty of another offense.  I have already decided that I need to just purge myself of this secret love.  Details will be provided in what I now know must be my second confessions post.  (Until then, feel free to re-read my first one 🙂 )  Just know that it’s enthralling,

embarrassing, dramatic, and completely addicting for some unexplainable reason.  But I’ve also been distracted by other writings.  I have this idea for a novel that I’ve started working on, and it’s taking me much longer to get as far as I’d like to be into it, but at the same time I feel that this slow going is allowing me to really develop the personality of not only the

I also want my blog posts to actually have substance and not be just random thoughts that have no purpose, but I haven’t felt compelled to write about any specific topic in the last few days.  I’m drumming up some more ideas, though, so I hope to be back in full force soon.  I also had a moment of panic when I realized how many days it had been since my last post and I had a horrible daydream of random people across the country dramatically exiting out of my blog in their browser window never to return because they gave up on waiting for me.  I felt I would be able to rest easier if I just put it out there that I’m not MIA, I’m just trying to organize my brain to address all things in my life right now.  And all of you readers can rest easy in the confidence that I am not neglecting my dear little blog.  To prevent self-destructing my own blog, I know I must remove myself to get my thoughts together and keep it positive and moving in the right direction.  Like any good parent, one must know when to take a step back so not to hinder the growth of the offspring, and this mama plans to always do just that.

My last 2012 Halloween hoorah:

souls in hell escaping through underground full of bugs and bones up through graves with skeletons and zombies in the yard of this haunted house and flying up into the sky with the witch


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Singing Heart

Poems by Karem Barratt


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