imthatkay

I’m Bursting At The Seams!

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 20, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Bursting.  And not because I’m so full.

Okay, maybe because I’m so full.  I had a Christmas potluck at my office for lunch, a Christmas dinner with clients after work, and just finished off my potluck taco dip leftovers.  I’m so full that my robe is almost too constricting…

But mostly I’m bursting at the seams from responsibility and demand.  Picture a stuffed animal, filled with the tiny little bead things.  This animal is dangled between three children, each grabbing a limb.  They all want it, so they are all pulling, but instead of one child overpowering the other two, they all pull just as hard and the limbs pop off.  The beads fly everywhere and the empty sack that once was an dog’s body is frayed and lifeless.  This is going to be me.  I am going to be the bead-less, droopy, dog sack body when I explode.

My work is short-staffed.  People transferring or getting new/better jobs leaves only 4 of us to handle a department made for 7.  I received more clients today, giving me a total that is around 7 more than I should have to semi-comfortably and efficiently do my job for them.  The holiday season puts us behind on the paperwork aspect of our job anyways, but with a growing caseload comes growing piles of paperwork, and therefore I’m double behind.

My whole department is double behind, but I super stress about this kind of thing.  I stress more than I should, and I’m aware of this, but as of yet I have not found a successful method to stop myself from super stressing or a very effective way to de-stress once I’ve reached that point.  My only option is to literally break down for a couple of days.  This breakdown consists of unexpected and unprovoked tears, anger, and/or sadness.  It’s like PMS times a 100.  The really bad part is that I am fully aware of how insane I am behaving while I am doing it, but there’s not stopping it.  In a really bad case, I become physically ill.  Sometimes this presents itself almost like depression: I am constantly exhausted and sleep any free minute I get, if I can actually fall asleep since I will usually end up just laying in bed at night until the wee hours of the morning.  I lose my appetite and become nauseous on a regular basis.  This results in my immune system crashing, so I begin catching bugs and viruses.  It’s an ugly downward spiral.

Now, I tell you all this because I am well on my way there.  I can feel the impending doom of sleepless nights, zombie days, empty stomachs, and waterworks over nothing.  In addition to this, I won’t have much time to post like I was.  I was doing really well about having at least one post a day, which I think is very important for a good blog/blogger.  However, since I’ve already working 50+ hour weeks to try to catch up and keep my head above water, I have been finding it very hard to find the time to sit down and write anything.  In addition to that, by the time I get done reading, writing, typing, computering, phone calling, etc. at work for 9 or more straight hours, another computer screen is basically the last thing I want to see for a little while.

I have a feeling that this will also feed into my stress, as I want to continue posting daily.  I want to work on my writings so I can get more originals posted.  These things have become extremely important to me as I have continued to work on it and open myself up more to the idea that I may be on to something with this writing thing.  I also want my blog to do well, and I’m paranoid that missing days of posting due to my crazy schedule for the time being will cause the few followers I have attracted to lose interest.  So I write this now as yet another attempt to de-stress by venting for a minute, and also to give everyone a heads up about what will likely become of my blog for a short period while I handle things with my paying job and personal life.  I truly appreciate the few of you who do read, like, and/or comment on my things and I’d hate for my stress levels to turn you away.  If I do get into this rut, just keep the faith.  I will bounce back, as I always do, and so will my blog posts. 🙂

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  1. Hi, we would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the follow and wishing you all the best in this festive season. Cheer~ 😀

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