Dream Chronicles – A Reassurance

In Opinion/Personal, Personal on August 8, 2014 at 12:22 pm

A History In Review            A Lover’s Quarrel            Home Invasion

Again, napping on my couch.  I’m seeing a pattern here in that all my vivid dreams occur when I take mid-day naps on my couch by myself.

I find myself in a home.  It’s not familiar in real life, but in my dream it was a family member’s home that I was very used to.  The details of the home are lacking, as my attention was instead of my deceased family member, who was standing perfectly healthy and chatting right in front of me.  For a second, nothing seemed out of place.  We carried on a casual conversation before getting into a vehicle similar to an RV, with the driver’s seat at the front end of a small walkway of chairs.  It was just me and my family member in the vehicle, and as he began driving, I slowly felt memories of his death and funeral creeping back in.  I wanted to hug him, but was afraid to.  Somewhere deep down, I knew that if I tried to touch him, he would be gone.

But I couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room.  I asked him, “how are you here?”

He didn’t seem to understand my question.  So I put it more bluntly.  “You died.  How is this possible?”

And he hit me with an explanation that I would’ve never imagined.  He explained to me that he is always available.  He explained that his death and funeral had happened, that part was and will always be real.  He stated that he wasn’t completely dead, but he wasn’t really alive either.  He can come back when his family and loved ones really need help or really need him.

I was flabbergasted.  I was so full of excitement that this was possible.  I was still saddened by his death, but this was overpowered by the fact that I could see him and talk to him if I really needed it.  We chatted and laughed about nothing serious and he continued to drive.  We suddenly stopped and climbed out of the RV to find his wife standing in an empty lot next to the road, leaning against her car.  He approached her and gave her a hug and she squeezed him back.  I began to think that I should just go for it.  She hugged him and nothing happened, so maybe that meant I could, too.

Then I woke up.

I was very upset initially.  Since his death, I’ve had a handful of dreams in which he has returned, or in which he never died and everything is the way it was supposed to be.  Each time I wake up from this dream with the lingering hope that it was real, then the sadness in realizing it isn’t, then the anger with my brain for playing these cruel tricks on me time and time again.  But the more I thought about it and as I typed this up, I realized that I was overlooking something.

This is not the first time he has come to me in a dream during a time of need.  High stress, high emotions, struggling and not knowing what to do to make things better.  He has appeared before, in a relaxed setting and just had conversations and after the initial shock of seeing him and hearing him again, I felt brought back down to earth and more level-headed.  I also recall that I am not the only person he has come to.  Other family members have told stories about it, seeing him happy and healthy and how he reassured them that everything was going to be okay.  I realize now – yes, I was dreaming.  Yes, it was upsetting to wake up and not have him back with us again.  But I don’t know that it was just a chance dream.  I don’t know that it wasn’t a little bit true and a little bit real.  While I can’t hug him in real life, while I will never have a real live conversation with him again, part of my dream was true and was real.  Even if just by dreams, he does return to us when we need him most.  As in life, so in death and dream life – present and supportive.  And oddly enough, I feel okay again.


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