The Wedding Games

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on February 16, 2015 at 6:25 pm

Announcing an engagement is always a big deal.  Some people throw a party.  Some people immediately get professional pictures done.  Some people change their relationship status on social media.  Fiance and I updated our Facebook, made phone calls to those we wouldn’t be seeing soon, sent texts to our closest friends, and showed the ring off to our families.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when we announced our news.  First of all, we had only been dating a year and a half.  To some people, that would be a quick relationship progression.  However, for us, it just makes sense.  Fiance and I have been on the same page from the very beginning.  After our first date, we both knew there were going to be many more.  It was comfortable and felt safe and we made each other happy.  After a few months, we both knew that dates on weekends wasn’t enough and decided to move in together.  It felt right.  After a few more months, idle chatter started about positions on marriage and children and all the things you start to talk about when you find the person you can’t see spending a day without.  Maybe to others it could appear to be a rash decision made quickly and without thought, as our whole relationships could be viewed I suppose, but what they say is true: when you know, you know.  And in my opinion, this has to be the closest thing to fairytale love-at-first-sight that there ever was.  The real elephant in the room is that fact that I’ve been down this road before.  I’ve been engaged.  I had a wedding.  I was in a marriage.  And the point of that story is that it failed.

I got happy responses to our engagement – congratulations, requests to see the ring, “ooh’s” and ahh’s.”  My grandmother (who was really pushing for marriage because she didn’t agree with living together otherwise but would never be so rude as to come out and say exactly that) smiled and said “It’s about time!”  But I also got “are you sure you want to do this again?”  I was told not to worry about planning a wedding because I had “already had all that before.”  I heard so many statements ending in “this time” that it was starting to make my head spin.  I have even had people close to me state that they had no interest in being involved in “this one” but would enjoy watching it happen once I got everything planned.  Yes, I expected some doubt and question, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt to hear some of these things.

So, in total typical girl fashion, I most definitely had a Sex And The City / Charlotte York MacDougal Goldenblatt moment.  I started questioning the whole situation.  Should I have a wedding?  Should I do a dress and bridesmaids and all that jazz?  I had already had that opportunity, regardless of how unhappy I was with the decisions I gave into at that time and regardless of how the imperfect wedding was only a sign of the imperfect marriage and regardless of the fact that the marriage failed, everyone considers a wedding your “once in a lifetime” and I had already had that chance.

But again, it perfect SATC fashion, I had people give me a reality check.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Re-examine.  While all the above statements are true, I realized that Fiance has not had these chances yet.  And, as a matter of fact, neither have I.  I have not truly had my dream wedding with my dream man.  Fiance deserves to be celebrated.  I deserve to be celebrated.  Our love deserves all the attention that anyone else’s does because there are no reservations, no doubts, no questions, and it consumes us both – which is everything that sets it apart from any other relationship (no matter how legally binding or long-lasting) that either of us have ever had.  So I made the decision to not be affected by questions or statements or judgements.  I made the decision that because this was so big and so important to us, it would be represented as such in our ceremony and reception and would be something that we would both be excited and happy with.

will plan a wedding, with bridesmaids and a dress and speeches and cake and champagne, because this is the relationship that will carry me through the rest of my life.  I will plan this even if it means I plan it alone, even if people are doubtful or this us stupid.  In all reality, somebody somewhere will always judge us, and if we are stupid, then we shall be happily stupid together in fancy clothes surrounded bu those who care about us most and full of promises that I have no doubt we will continue to fulfill with and for each other until death…well, I think you know how that one ends! 🙂

  1. Congratulations! I think… that you think too much. In the words of Dr Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you want, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. Life is precious and too short to spend too long weighing things up. Listen to your gut instinct and your heart, and savour every second of it.

    Liked by 1 person


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