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Posts Tagged ‘depression’

How Did I Get Here?

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 28, 2017 at 3:13 pm

**Heads up: this post contains introspective statements on sensitive subjects to include eating disorders, mental health, and thoughts on suicide. No details, no lengthy descriptions of sensitive matters, but they are briefly present from my own point of view and should be taken into consideration for those that may be negatively affected. I encourage anyone struggling with any degree of mental health issues to seek help and support through friends, family, professionals, your local Community Mental Health Center, support groups, etc.***

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Schools Gotta Get It Together

In Opinion, Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on May 5, 2014 at 7:05 pm

I just wanted to share this experience my family has been dealing with regarding my cousin and her high school education.  It’s been difficult and really eye opening and made me realize even more so than I already knew that school systems have a lot of catching up to do with how teens are these days.  It also made me realize that often, the problem is that the decision makers have no clue how it really is down the totem pole, nor do they care, and have no interest in trying to help in unusual situations.

My cousin was on home bound, which is where the school system sends a teacher to her home instead of her attending regular classes.  Not only was she dealing with bullying at the school, she has a history of high anxiety, depression, self harm, and a thyroid disorder that does have an affect on her moods.  With 6 weeks left in the school year, which she has been on home bound for the entirety of, my aunt received a letter stating that she had to return to school in less than a week’s time to finish the year because her home bound was no longer approved.  There were multiple different reasons as to why, but it all boiled down to an initial paperwork error that was never noted prior to this and regulations that were never made known to my family in the beginning.  Regulations, that in my opinion, are ridiculous, such as sating that because her doctor put her on medication to treat her thyroid disorder, this is considered a “non-issue” or changes in the way the paperwork must be completed depending on her progress that the family was completely unaware of.

Because I feel I am much better with written word than verbal conversations (which I also tried and got nowhere with), I decided to write a letter to the Board of Education in my hometown where my cousin is currently enrolled in school to bring attention to the issues I discovered during this process.  I feel that a change need to take place in the way things are handled and the way the schools are run there, and all it takes sometimes is one person shining a light on it to get that ball rolling.  So I decided I would also post this letter on my blog.  Other teens and families may be dealing with trouble within their school systems, as well, and I really wanted to put this out there in the world for people to see because of my dissatisfaction with the way this has been handled.  So here was the letter I wrote to the Pike County Board of Education, my cousin’s full name are not included since I did not ask her if I could openly put her on my blog.

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New Year, Old Me

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on January 10, 2014 at 10:34 am

Another year gone.  This anniversary.  That anniversary.  Another birthday passed.  Cycle of holidays.  The end of one era.  Sadness and failure.  Acceptance and moving forward.  New friends.  The start of a new era.

I ruined someone’s life in this year we’ve just left.  Not carelessly, not permanently, but for a short time, I know it felt to them that I did.  I didn’t mean it.  I did everything I could to avoid it.  But 2 years of denying the inevitable and thinking it was easier to make myself miserable than to have someone else be unhappy at my expense took a toll on me.

It was hard.  I felt like I didn’t even know who I was anymore.  I had played this character for so long, I couldn’t remember what or who was buried under the mask of false acceptance.  I was broke.  I was alone. But it was my decision that had me there.

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Sometimes, A Funk Will Happen

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on September 10, 2013 at 2:56 pm

I’ve been in a funk for a few days. I’m blaming it on the fact that I have ovaries who hate me, but in reality, I just do this sometimes regardless of PMS. I haven’t figured out why. It’s like the little voice in the back of my head mocking everything I do and reminding me of all my doubts and fears with a PowerPoint presentation and pen light just takes over control of my whole brain.

It makes me second guess everything. Everything I do, everything anyone around does. It makes me paranoid of secret motives and lies. I can rationalize throughout the barrage of endless negativity, telling myself I’m being, for lack of a better description, borderline insane. I think that’s the worst part. I know as I’m going through this whole process that most of what’s going on in my head is unfounded and illogical, but it doesn’t actually stop it from happening. Truth be told, I’ve yet to find anything that can stop it.

The second worst part is having to try to explain it away to people around me. “Lets play it off as PMS. Lets just say it was a long day and work was tough or I’m just exhausted. I promise it’s not anything you’ve done.” But how do you explain to someone who doesn’t go through something similar that every now and then, your mind loses control a bit? That once in a while, you somehow turn on yourself? I also have yet to find a successful way around or through that.

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Rows of the Deceased

In Fiction, Writing on October 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm

As promised, here is one of my first legitimate fiction writings.  It was for a writing portfolio for a class I was in many, many years ago and I ended up getting an almost-perfect grade on both this writing and the portfolio as a whole.  I intend to revisit this writing at some point to flesh it out a little bit, update it so it’s more mature, etc., but I haven’t taken the time yet.  So I give this to you, Blog World, in its original form straight out of the mind of 17-year-old me.

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Singing Heart

Poems by Karem Barratt

*UNBREAKABLE QUEEN'S LIFE LESSONS DIARY*

Breaking Free From The Past, In Hope For A Bigger & Brighter Future

One Day at a Time

The world is a confusing place, these are just my musings on it.

The Girl

enjoying whatever life has to offer...

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