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Posts Tagged ‘Mental health’

We’re growing! Now let’s get real, part 6

In Opinion/Personal, Personal on January 6, 2019 at 8:15 pm

Part 1: Morning Sickness

Part 2: Cravings & Aversions

Part 3: Digestion

Part 4: Body Talk

Part 5: Second Puberty

I am an educated woman. I completed a four year degree at a well recognized (while still affordable) university in my area. I’ve honed my skills in my career to continue growing, proving myself, and climbing the ranks at a stable and comfortable pace. I am well read and was raised to be self sufficient. I was taught common sense and problem solving skills from as early as I can remember.

Guess what? None of that matters. Quite early on, and sporadically throughout the pregnancy, all reason goes right out the window.

Welcome to the world of Irrational Fears!

So far, starting around week 6 and occurring randomly ever since, I’ve had he following thoughts:

  • Don’t cough too hard, you might knock it loose.
  • Don’t use your ab muscles very often, you might squeeze it loose.
    What if those aren’t ligament pains and are actually your uterus detaching inside your body?
    What if that wasn’t a kick of the baby rolling over, but a sign something is wrong?

Those are only the main ones I can easily recall, there have been many other brief thoughts and worries. I have googled myself to death looking up every symptom, feeling, and sensation.

Silver lining: I think a touch of paranoia is normal. I’ve learned so much from googling even the most random things – I’ve learned details about the changes to a woman’s body and the development of the baby that no health book ever included. I’ve learned a lot of different scenarios, which can definitely be scary but also helps me feel more prepared in case any of those scenarios occur with me. Also, I am aware that my underlying daily anxiety is definitely playing a role. While concerns are normal, not everyone will experience the level of concern I sometimes do, but my being aware of that affect is enough for me to talk myself through any freak outs.

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How Did I Get Here?

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 28, 2017 at 3:13 pm

**Heads up: this post contains introspective statements on sensitive subjects to include eating disorders, mental health, and thoughts on suicide. No details, no lengthy descriptions of sensitive matters, but they are briefly present from my own point of view and should be taken into consideration for those that may be negatively affected. I encourage anyone struggling with any degree of mental health issues to seek help and support through friends, family, professionals, your local Community Mental Health Center, support groups, etc.***

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Schools Gotta Get It Together

In Opinion, Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on May 5, 2014 at 7:05 pm

I just wanted to share this experience my family has been dealing with regarding my cousin and her high school education.  It’s been difficult and really eye opening and made me realize even more so than I already knew that school systems have a lot of catching up to do with how teens are these days.  It also made me realize that often, the problem is that the decision makers have no clue how it really is down the totem pole, nor do they care, and have no interest in trying to help in unusual situations.

My cousin was on home bound, which is where the school system sends a teacher to her home instead of her attending regular classes.  Not only was she dealing with bullying at the school, she has a history of high anxiety, depression, self harm, and a thyroid disorder that does have an affect on her moods.  With 6 weeks left in the school year, which she has been on home bound for the entirety of, my aunt received a letter stating that she had to return to school in less than a week’s time to finish the year because her home bound was no longer approved.  There were multiple different reasons as to why, but it all boiled down to an initial paperwork error that was never noted prior to this and regulations that were never made known to my family in the beginning.  Regulations, that in my opinion, are ridiculous, such as sating that because her doctor put her on medication to treat her thyroid disorder, this is considered a “non-issue” or changes in the way the paperwork must be completed depending on her progress that the family was completely unaware of.

Because I feel I am much better with written word than verbal conversations (which I also tried and got nowhere with), I decided to write a letter to the Board of Education in my hometown where my cousin is currently enrolled in school to bring attention to the issues I discovered during this process.  I feel that a change need to take place in the way things are handled and the way the schools are run there, and all it takes sometimes is one person shining a light on it to get that ball rolling.  So I decided I would also post this letter on my blog.  Other teens and families may be dealing with trouble within their school systems, as well, and I really wanted to put this out there in the world for people to see because of my dissatisfaction with the way this has been handled.  So here was the letter I wrote to the Pike County Board of Education, my cousin’s full name are not included since I did not ask her if I could openly put her on my blog.

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A Simple Thought For The Day

In Opinion/Personal, Random on April 4, 2013 at 1:07 pm

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I’ve posted on eating/body image issues before. Stress always messes with my appetite and my own image issues, and I recently had a close friend confide their own similar issues with me that they have been struggling with for quite a while.

I have an app on my phone called IFunny, which is mostly ridiculous pictures and rage comics, but today this is what popped up. Sometimes I feel that the universe works in ways to provide little bits of inspiration and encouragement in the least expected ways. I feel I was meant to come across this picture that some random stranger created at precisely this time, and that is a very comforting belief for me. I hope everyone pays attention to the little things that can connect with them, the tiny, almost irrelevant things that could be easily overlooked. That’s where hope and strength come from…

Me & Britney-I’m Sorry, I Need A Moment

In Opinion, Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on January 26, 2013 at 11:13 pm

I admit, I have always been a fan of Britney Spears.  It’s true.  Who didn’t love the cute iconic little school girl in Baby One More Time?  Nobody, that’s who.

Then it came out that she and Justin Timberlake, the “it” boy if there ever was one, were an item from their adorable days on the Mickey Mouse Club together.  All preteen girls hated her for that, but still loved her at the same time.

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A Quickie While We Do Some Math

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Work Related on January 11, 2013 at 4:06 pm

No.  Not that kind of quickie.  Sorry…

I will not go into the fact that I’m a bad blog-mom again.  I know my posts have been minimal.  But I have an equation for you:

4 years + approximately 200 miles + approximately 150 credit hours = my Psychology degree

And now:

Psychology degree + extremely demanding job + general life expenses = (broke  + unhappy) x stressed the eff out.

So I’ve got all these numbers of time, distance, paychecks, bills, and so on, that all lead to the result of me being generally unhappy with the point I’ve reached in my life.  I worked my ass off to get my college degree, something that I thought I would be insanely happy doing, but then got a quick reality check upon graduation.

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I’m Bursting At The Seams!

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 20, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Bursting.  And not because I’m so full.

Okay, maybe because I’m so full.  I had a Christmas potluck at my office for lunch, a Christmas dinner with clients after work, and just finished off my potluck taco dip leftovers.  I’m so full that my robe is almost too constricting…

But mostly I’m bursting at the seams from responsibility and demand.  Picture a stuffed animal, filled with the tiny little bead things.  This animal is dangled between three children, each grabbing a limb.  They all want it, so they are all pulling, but instead of one child overpowering the other two, they all pull just as hard and the limbs pop off.  The beads fly everywhere and the empty sack that once was an dog’s body is frayed and lifeless.  This is going to be me.  I am going to be the bead-less, droopy, dog sack body when I explode.

My work is short-staffed.  People transferring or getting new/better jobs leaves only 4 of us to handle a department made for 7.  I received more clients today, giving me a total that is around 7 more than I should have to semi-comfortably and efficiently do my job for them.  The holiday season puts us behind on the paperwork aspect of our job anyways, but with a growing caseload comes growing piles of paperwork, and therefore I’m double behind.

My whole department is double behind, but I super stress about this kind of thing.  I stress more than I should, and I’m aware of this, but as of yet I have not found a successful method to stop myself from super stressing or a very effective way to de-stress once I’ve reached that point.  My only option is to literally break down for a couple of days.  This breakdown consists of unexpected and unprovoked tears, anger, and/or sadness.  It’s like PMS times a 100.  The really bad part is that I am fully aware of how insane I am behaving while I am doing it, but there’s not stopping it.  In a really bad case, I become physically ill.  Sometimes this presents itself almost like depression: I am constantly exhausted and sleep any free minute I get, if I can actually fall asleep since I will usually end up just laying in bed at night until the wee hours of the morning.  I lose my appetite and become nauseous on a regular basis.  This results in my immune system crashing, so I begin catching bugs and viruses.  It’s an ugly downward spiral.

Now, I tell you all this because I am well on my way there.  I can feel the impending doom of sleepless nights, zombie days, empty stomachs, and waterworks over nothing.  In addition to this, I won’t have much time to post like I was.  I was doing really well about having at least one post a day, which I think is very important for a good blog/blogger.  However, since I’ve already working 50+ hour weeks to try to catch up and keep my head above water, I have been finding it very hard to find the time to sit down and write anything.  In addition to that, by the time I get done reading, writing, typing, computering, phone calling, etc. at work for 9 or more straight hours, another computer screen is basically the last thing I want to see for a little while.

I have a feeling that this will also feed into my stress, as I want to continue posting daily.  I want to work on my writings so I can get more originals posted.  These things have become extremely important to me as I have continued to work on it and open myself up more to the idea that I may be on to something with this writing thing.  I also want my blog to do well, and I’m paranoid that missing days of posting due to my crazy schedule for the time being will cause the few followers I have attracted to lose interest.  So I write this now as yet another attempt to de-stress by venting for a minute, and also to give everyone a heads up about what will likely become of my blog for a short period while I handle things with my paying job and personal life.  I truly appreciate the few of you who do read, like, and/or comment on my things and I’d hate for my stress levels to turn you away.  If I do get into this rut, just keep the faith.  I will bounce back, as I always do, and so will my blog posts. 🙂

Inviting A Change

In Personal, Random on November 15, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Personal growth is golden.  One should always strive to attain it.  You are never too old for it.  It doesn’t require money or classrooms.  I feel myself going through changes constantly, and I think to myself that it must be growth.  Not physically, but mentally.  I feel this strangeness and then after a little while, I realize that something in me has changed.  A thought, an idea, a belief, a feeling – something – is different from it was before.

One thing I’ve learned is that wisdom doesn’t always require age.  Children can be very insightful if you just take the time to listen to what they are saying.  A person doesn’t have to be geriatric to give good advice or make a profoundly deep statement.  I have a friend who is younger than I, but has been through many trying times in her life just in the short 3 years I’ve known her.  I’ve watched her growth from the outside, growth and changes that she was forced into by situational factors, and she handled it with grace.  For the most part.  (Girls are girls, and it’s okay to have a few drinks to bitch and cry over every now and again.)

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Embrace The Strange

In Personal on October 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Some people find it hard to just let go. For myself, this is extremely true. I hold on to things people have said to me, I hold on to physical things that represent a certain time or generate a memory of where/how/when this item was attained, I carry over stress from one area of my life to the next, and it’s damn near impossible for me to just “cut loose.” I have always internalized anything negative that came my way (believe me: being aware of it, knowing it without a doubt, and actually being able to prevent yourself from doing it are three entirely different things – and I’m still currently flip-flopping between the first two). I think my intense anxiety over “cutting loose” stems from the fact that I endured my fair share of teasing growing up. I was the lanky, uncoordinated poor kid with no dad, bad hair, glasses, and braces. And even though my weight caught up with my height (and then some), I eventually learned the tricks to managing my unruly hair, I had my braces removed, and upgraded my frames that I now only have to wear occasionally, it’s like I forget sometimes. I will suddenly turn back into that little girl hiding in a bathroom stall wiping tears off her cheeks because someone who was supposed to be her friend had just purposefully embarrassed her in front of everyone in class. I sometimes catch myself feeling like I’m once again the wallpaper, watching all the pretty girls with their nice clothes and their boyfriends and their big group of friends. I still feel like that awkward outsider. Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, I Have A Working Toilet

In Personal, Work Related on September 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

I complain. A lot. I think it’s in my blood. My mother’s a complainer, my grandmother, and probably her mother, as well. I like to think that even as complainers, we are also very thankful people. Generally, we are. I appreciate what I have, such as my job.

My job, which I give a brief description of in my “who, me?”, has put me through some of the most stressful periods of time in my life thus far. With deadlines looming – or passing much too quickly – and mountains of paperwork. With days upon days of meeting after meeting. With 12 hour days and no time for lunch. It definitely takes the right mindset to not completely lose it. But then again, it takes the right personality to get into this field to begin with. Read the rest of this entry »

Singing Heart

Poems by Karem Barratt

*UNBREAKABLE QUEEN'S LIFE LESSONS DIARY*

Breaking Free From The Past, In Hope For A Bigger & Brighter Future

One Day at a Time

The world is a confusing place, these are just my musings on it.

The Girl

enjoying whatever life has to offer...

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