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Posts Tagged ‘Preadolescence’

Embrace The Strange

In Personal on October 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Some people find it hard to just let go. For myself, this is extremely true. I hold on to things people have said to me, I hold on to physical things that represent a certain time or generate a memory of where/how/when this item was attained, I carry over stress from one area of my life to the next, and it’s damn near impossible for me to just “cut loose.” I have always internalized anything negative that came my way (believe me: being aware of it, knowing it without a doubt, and actually being able to prevent yourself from doing it are three entirely different things – and I’m still currently flip-flopping between the first two). I think my intense anxiety over “cutting loose” stems from the fact that I endured my fair share of teasing growing up. I was the lanky, uncoordinated poor kid with no dad, bad hair, glasses, and braces. And even though my weight caught up with my height (and then some), I eventually learned the tricks to managing my unruly hair, I had my braces removed, and upgraded my frames that I now only have to wear occasionally, it’s like I forget sometimes. I will suddenly turn back into that little girl hiding in a bathroom stall wiping tears off her cheeks because someone who was supposed to be her friend had just purposefully embarrassed her in front of everyone in class. I sometimes catch myself feeling like I’m once again the wallpaper, watching all the pretty girls with their nice clothes and their boyfriends and their big group of friends. I still feel like that awkward outsider. Read the rest of this entry »

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