Posts Tagged ‘work’

How Did I Get Here?

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 28, 2017 at 3:13 pm

**Heads up: this post contains introspective statements on sensitive subjects to include eating disorders, mental health, and thoughts on suicide. No details, no lengthy descriptions of sensitive matters, but they are briefly present from my own point of view and should be taken into consideration for those that may be negatively affected. I encourage anyone struggling with any degree of mental health issues to seek help and support through friends, family, professionals, your local Community Mental Health Center, support groups, etc.***

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Dream Chronicles – A Lover’s Quarrel

In Opinion/Personal, Personal on June 3, 2014 at 7:55 pm

A History in Review

Not too big of a deal here.  This was just the first dream I’ve had in a while that I remember all the details of.  It was still pretty upsetting and I woke up breathing hard, emotionally disturbed, and teary eyed because it was so vivid.

I’m sitting in my home – not my actual tiny one bedroom apartment that my boyfriend and I share.  It was a larger home with a different layout, but in my dream I knew it to be home.  My boyfriend was sitting on the couch with one of his friends, an older lady from his work.  He stated he was hungry, so I asked him what he wanted.  He told me hash browns, which we did not have, so I gathered up some potatoes and began cleaning and cutting them to make homemade hash browns.  While I’m in the kitchen working away, he begins telling his coworker friend about how I work from home and have a decently flexible schedule.  This is the exact opposite of his factory job with strict shifts and guidelines for taking time off.

In real life, we often have conversations about how he believes his job is much harder and more demanding than mine because it is more physical.  I remind him occasionally that while this is true, my job is more demanding mentally and emotionally, as I am responsible for the lives of my clients.  Yes, my job is mostly paperwork and desk work, but this is still complicated and tiring.  He knows this, he sees me struggle with certain things or work long hours to meet deadlines.  He sees the drama and trouble I go through from having to work with different agencies and staffing and the state and insurances.

However, in my dream, he is not understanding of this.  He comes into the kitchen while I am cooking, still talking about my job to his coworker.  He explains in a very sarcastic tone that I get exhausted and it upsets me when people talk about my job like it is not a real job.  I respond with, “When you say it like that, you’re basically saying that you believe that to be true.”  He gives me a look and I know he means that I am correct.  He is sarcastic and borderline belittling me in front of his friend.  In my head I think, “How dare he do this in front of company and while I’m in here slaving away to make him home cooked food.”  I can’t control my emotions and I begin crying and yelling.  Next thing I know I’m throwing punches, each one landing squarely on his face, while he seems unaffected and continues on chatting about how I must just be lazy because my “job” can not be that tiring.

I think it was after the 3rd or 4th punch that I woke up to sharp breaths and a moist cheek, realizing that I had fallen asleep on my couch and that it was all a dream.  It took me probably 5 minutes to regain my composure, but I still felt off.  I ended up climbing into bed with my boyfriend to relax and nap, as he was still asleep so he would be rested for his night shift job.  During my nap with him in bed, I did not have any more dreams.

I’m Still Here, I Swear!!

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on April 21, 2014 at 8:49 pm

I have not disappeared. I did not die. I have not given up writing and sharing my pointless thoughts. I am here, no worries my dears 🙂

So if I haven’t gone anywhere or given up, then what have I been doing with myself? Here are a few key points recently:

1. I’m drowning in paperwork. No joke. My living room is covered in work. I take a long bath at night to give myself a break from typing and reading and summarizing information for 19 different clients. I might be losing my mind from it…

2. Horse races. Keeneland opened this month in Lexington. It’s beautiful, it’s fun, it’s gambling and fancy hats and intoxicated girls struggling to walk the grass in 5 inch heels. Who can miss out on that?! Not me, I’ll tell you that much. I can miss the drunk frat guys peeing on the tires of random nearby cars or the much emptier wallet upon leaving, but with the good comes the bad, you know.

3. I experienced an anniversary. The first one of a new relationship. That’s always interesting, right? We had dinner at the restaurant where we first met (an Irish pub called Shamrocks), then went home and napped on the couch for 3 hours due to sun exhaustion and burns that were the result of #2 up there. Sounds kinda lame, I know, but we enjoyed ourselves and – believe me – I’ve had worse.

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Nugget #57: Just Another Day at the Office

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes, Work Related on September 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

“I guess I spoiled him for buying him peanuts the other day, while he asked me about boobs and women’s penises. I told him he used the wrong word for girl’s privates, but he said he was right.”

-a re-telling of what has become normal conversation between case managers and clients at my work place. No two days are the same and you never know what might happen or be said. It’s these little things that make me enjoy my job 🙂

Nugget #41: Workplace Creates Zombies

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on January 23, 2013 at 11:04 pm


“I already drooled on myself today.”

I’m Bursting At The Seams!

In Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random, Work Related on December 20, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Bursting.  And not because I’m so full.

Okay, maybe because I’m so full.  I had a Christmas potluck at my office for lunch, a Christmas dinner with clients after work, and just finished off my potluck taco dip leftovers.  I’m so full that my robe is almost too constricting…

But mostly I’m bursting at the seams from responsibility and demand.  Picture a stuffed animal, filled with the tiny little bead things.  This animal is dangled between three children, each grabbing a limb.  They all want it, so they are all pulling, but instead of one child overpowering the other two, they all pull just as hard and the limbs pop off.  The beads fly everywhere and the empty sack that once was an dog’s body is frayed and lifeless.  This is going to be me.  I am going to be the bead-less, droopy, dog sack body when I explode.

My work is short-staffed.  People transferring or getting new/better jobs leaves only 4 of us to handle a department made for 7.  I received more clients today, giving me a total that is around 7 more than I should have to semi-comfortably and efficiently do my job for them.  The holiday season puts us behind on the paperwork aspect of our job anyways, but with a growing caseload comes growing piles of paperwork, and therefore I’m double behind.

My whole department is double behind, but I super stress about this kind of thing.  I stress more than I should, and I’m aware of this, but as of yet I have not found a successful method to stop myself from super stressing or a very effective way to de-stress once I’ve reached that point.  My only option is to literally break down for a couple of days.  This breakdown consists of unexpected and unprovoked tears, anger, and/or sadness.  It’s like PMS times a 100.  The really bad part is that I am fully aware of how insane I am behaving while I am doing it, but there’s not stopping it.  In a really bad case, I become physically ill.  Sometimes this presents itself almost like depression: I am constantly exhausted and sleep any free minute I get, if I can actually fall asleep since I will usually end up just laying in bed at night until the wee hours of the morning.  I lose my appetite and become nauseous on a regular basis.  This results in my immune system crashing, so I begin catching bugs and viruses.  It’s an ugly downward spiral.

Now, I tell you all this because I am well on my way there.  I can feel the impending doom of sleepless nights, zombie days, empty stomachs, and waterworks over nothing.  In addition to this, I won’t have much time to post like I was.  I was doing really well about having at least one post a day, which I think is very important for a good blog/blogger.  However, since I’ve already working 50+ hour weeks to try to catch up and keep my head above water, I have been finding it very hard to find the time to sit down and write anything.  In addition to that, by the time I get done reading, writing, typing, computering, phone calling, etc. at work for 9 or more straight hours, another computer screen is basically the last thing I want to see for a little while.

I have a feeling that this will also feed into my stress, as I want to continue posting daily.  I want to work on my writings so I can get more originals posted.  These things have become extremely important to me as I have continued to work on it and open myself up more to the idea that I may be on to something with this writing thing.  I also want my blog to do well, and I’m paranoid that missing days of posting due to my crazy schedule for the time being will cause the few followers I have attracted to lose interest.  So I write this now as yet another attempt to de-stress by venting for a minute, and also to give everyone a heads up about what will likely become of my blog for a short period while I handle things with my paying job and personal life.  I truly appreciate the few of you who do read, like, and/or comment on my things and I’d hate for my stress levels to turn you away.  If I do get into this rut, just keep the faith.  I will bounce back, as I always do, and so will my blog posts. 🙂

Returning Empty Handed

In Personal, Random on October 31, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I know, I know – I’m a horrible blog-mother.  Call BPS (blog protective services, that is) and report me for abandonment.  I’ve disappeared, leaving my poor little blog to fend for itself without proper nourishment and even worse…I’ve returned empty-handed.  It wouldn’t be as bad if I had come back to my little space on the web with something big, something juicy, something important, something for readers to take in, chew on for a while, think about.  Like in the movies when the dad returns to his wife and daughter after being on a business trip for two weeks and has some amazing foreign special edition porcelain doll for his little girl to add to her collection to make up for his time away.  But I haven’t done that, which is all just as well since that porcelain doll is normally also always making up for Dad’s secret second family.  I did not leave this blog to carry on a secret blog on a different blogging site.  I just ran out of, well, everything.

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Honest Politics Myth Busted: Through Innocent Eyes

In Opinion/Personal, Work Related on October 17, 2012 at 7:57 pm

The main thing I love about my job is spending time with my clients. Paperwork and phone calls and meetings are important for the services I provide and monitor, but the time I spend with my folks – chatting and learning more about them – that’s when I really benefit from working this job. I have no doubt in my mind that this is because my clients are who they are. It’s a strange combination of “what you see is what you get” and a mountain of surprises all in one. They don’t pretend to be something they aren’t. They are painfully honest because they aren’t concerned about social issues that could stem from it. They say what they think without hesitation. I wish I had this ability, but I’m too busy thinking about how other people’s opinions of me might change or that someone might judge me and treat me differently because of it. I know what’s “cool”, and although I try to fight that, I still sometimes catch myself falling into that desire of inclusion. But my clients – they don’t over think things. They don’t second guess themselves. They have a belief and that’s that. It’s amazing to me. And the more I’m around each of them, the more I learn about their abilities and their opinions. A perfect example happened today. Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, I Have A Working Toilet

In Personal, Work Related on September 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

I complain. A lot. I think it’s in my blood. My mother’s a complainer, my grandmother, and probably her mother, as well. I like to think that even as complainers, we are also very thankful people. Generally, we are. I appreciate what I have, such as my job.

My job, which I give a brief description of in my “who, me?”, has put me through some of the most stressful periods of time in my life thus far. With deadlines looming – or passing much too quickly – and mountains of paperwork. With days upon days of meeting after meeting. With 12 hour days and no time for lunch. It definitely takes the right mindset to not completely lose it. But then again, it takes the right personality to get into this field to begin with. Read the rest of this entry »

Singing Heart

Poems by Karem Barratt


Breaking Free From The Past, In Hope For A Bigger & Brighter Future

One Day at a Time

The world is a confusing place, these are just my musings on it.

The Girl

enjoying whatever life has to offer...

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