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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

We’re growing! Now let’s get real, Part 5

In Funny, Non-Fiction, Opinion/Personal, Personal on December 30, 2018 at 11:00 am

Part 1: Morning Sickness

Part 2: Cravings & Aversions

Part 3: Digestion

Part 4: Body Talk

Noxema pads, Lip Smackers, Teen Spirit, and Cucumber Melon Body Mist. The essentials for the late 90’s / early 2000’s teen girl. A “grown up” haircut, hours in front of a mirror before leaving your room, and that lifted weight of teen dreams come true when you wake up to find the Noxema worked and that pesky puberty breakout is healed. Thank god puberty comes early in the life span and only once, right?

Wrong. Welcome to your Second Puberty.

I assumed that the rush of hormones in early first trimester, serving the purpose of sustaining the embryo until the placenta takes over, would pass. My first 3 months of pregnancy was a nightmare. My face erupted into massive breakouts without fail or remedy. It’ll pass, I naively kept repeating in my head. Truth is, is hasn’t passed yet and I’ve just rounded the halfway mark.

The mood swings have subsided – slightly. I’m a quick trigger with feeling annoyed but no more random bursts of tears for a while. I’m a sweaty, hot flashy mess almost constantly. This chilly, rainy Kentucky “winter” weather is prime for my body right now and feels a-maz-ing. But this skin… It’s dry, it’s patchy, it’s itchy, it’s inflamed, and it’s still erupting (albeit on a smaller scale). Thank god my husband loves me because my bed head, no make up mornings are less “naturally adorable” and more “ogre-troll with flesh eating bacteria disease” these days…

Silver Lining: Unfortunately, the hormones are necessary for pregnancy to sustain and baby to grow. I had always heard of the beauty and glow of pregnancy, and felt 100% like a hideous creature. However, I learned the “glow” is actually just the increase in blood flow (check – daily nosebleeds from weeks 14-17) and the hormonal hot flashes (double check check!) and hormonal breakouts are very common during pregnancy. While not enjoyable, it isn’t a major concern to be honest. I changed up my skin care routine a little to address the changes to my skin texture and habits, and this has helped to reduce the issues I’m experiencing. And the further I get in this pregnancy process, the less and less it occurs. Just find a routine that fits your new skin and stick to it, and all will be well.

Some suggestions for pregnancy and nursing safe skin care:

I have these kind of days…

In Funny, Random on April 28, 2015 at 9:42 pm

Nugget #61: A Connoisseur, Of Sorts

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on June 3, 2014 at 7:53 pm

“You know what coffee reminds me of? Soup. Really good soup. For adults.”

Nugget #60: English are hard…

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on May 1, 2014 at 4:11 pm

“I’m living bicariously of you.”

Nugget #59: Bison and Condiments

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on April 21, 2014 at 9:35 pm

“What’s a stuffed buffalo without 2 gallons of mayonnaise?”

Dude conversations are the best nonsense ever to be heard, especially with a little beer thrown in the mix.

Nugget #58: The Great Debate

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on February 26, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Who are we? A philosophical question many people mull over in their lives. Here’s the absolute un-philosophical attempt to answer between two friends…

1: “We’re yuppies.”
2: “I don’t think you know what that word means.”
1: “Yeah. It means a person who does what they love in life and… does… yuppie stuff.”
2: “No. Yuppies are upper class stuck up people. We are not upper class. We are not really cultured.”
1: “Bikers think cultured people are yuppies.”
2: “We aren’t cultured.”
1: “Then no, I don’t know what yuppie means.”

Conversations With My Boyfriend

In Funny, Opinion/Personal, Personal, Random on December 2, 2013 at 3:47 pm

Children say the darnedest things…

Anyone who is a parent or has small children in their family can attest to this.  Bill Cosby did a whole show dedicated to it.  There’s a very entertaining Twitter feed that has been turned into a book called Preschool Gems full of nothing but the out-loud thoughts of young children.  Even my Facebook news feed is full of status updates from parents recapping hilarious scenarios and conversations with their children of either funny things their kids say or things they have to say to their kids that they would’ve never imagined they would be saying.  I enjoy reading these and made a mental note long ago that, should I become a mother one day, I would keep a running log of all the cute, funny, and often times quite wise musings that I will inevitably bear witness to.

But then I realized I didn’t have to wait.  I have been blessed with the companionship of a very high energy and entertaining person.  While he is 30 years old, he is very youthful in both appearance and demeanor.  His sense of humor is larger than he is himself and with his Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, it is not uncommon to end up in very strange, confusing, and random conversations.  Give him a couple beers, and that scale is multiplied.  I know what you’re probably thinking.  That doesn’t sound like fun.  Where is this going?  What in the hell does this have to do with Bill Cosby or children?

Read the rest of this entry »

Nugget #57: Just Another Day at the Office

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes, Work Related on September 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

“I guess I spoiled him for buying him peanuts the other day, while he asked me about boobs and women’s penises. I told him he used the wrong word for girl’s privates, but he said he was right.”

-a re-telling of what has become normal conversation between case managers and clients at my work place. No two days are the same and you never know what might happen or be said. It’s these little things that make me enjoy my job 🙂

Nugget #56: My Prayers Were Answered

In Cleverness, Funny, Pictures/Images on September 9, 2013 at 1:44 pm

Everyone remember one my first Nuggets about my friend’s hilarious married name?  The Nugget was entitled “Hey, Leno, Lookie Here,” click that if you still need a refresher.  Anyways, my prayers were answered and visual proof provided via Facebook:

leno pic

 

The only thing that makes this even better than I could have imagined is the little statement peeking out right at the bottom, partially cut off but still able to be made out.  Introducing and giving a quick background on the groom: “…is the grandson of Joann and Dick Wiener.” I lost it.  Still lose it every time I see it.

Nugget #55: New Standards

In Cleverness, Funny, Quotes on June 12, 2013 at 2:52 pm

“I mean, I eat potato chips off my belly in sweats watching anime, for Christ‘s sake. If that’s what makes you hot, then I have underestimated myself.”

Singing Heart

Poems by Karem Barratt

*UNBREAKABLE QUEEN'S LIFE LESSONS DIARY*

Breaking Free From The Past, In Hope For A Bigger & Brighter Future

One Day at a Time

The world is a confusing place, these are just my musings on it.

The Girl

enjoying whatever life has to offer...

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